I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Semen is not good for contacts.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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