Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
