Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
