you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
