I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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