I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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