took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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