I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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