I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
my poor anus
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
