i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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