Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Enjoy the penises
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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