Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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