I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
