he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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