Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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