ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
