Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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