his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize