glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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