the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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