Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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