I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
