Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
