She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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