So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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