you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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