I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
