I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
