I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I want to walk on stilts...naked
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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