you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
