My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
