Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
