Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
