the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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