I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
