In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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