he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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