i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
