The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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