We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
