white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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