At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
