Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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