It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
