Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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