He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize