They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We left an ass print on the piano.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
