He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish you could order shots online.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
