a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
