Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
