two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
