Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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