hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
