i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
