dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
