I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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