need another drink. this is the easiest way
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
