every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
