man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
