He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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