$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
