How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
