The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize