why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
