a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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