Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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