We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
