He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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