is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
