You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
