We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
