I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
